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time   
01:28am 16/01/2006
 
mood: drained
sometimes your heart just hearts, for everything you've lost, everything you've gained, and everything to come and the ones you will leave behind forever.....		  
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me   
10:51am 23/09/2005
  self revealing, neat, craves attention, prefers organized to unpredictable, needs things to be extremely clean, worrying, perfectionist, emotionally sensitive, respects authority, social, vain, does not like to be alone, likes large parties, controlling, social chameleon, not a thrill seeker, enjoys leadership, takes precautions, puts the needs of others ahead of their own, assertive, rule conscious, makes friends easily, always busy, heart over mind, phobic, aggressive, clingy, compassionate, dominant, outgoing, suspicious, hard working, strong
that is my personality snapshot~ pretty damn accurate anyway
toodles
xoxo
linz		  
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beautiful   
03:26pm 14/09/2005
  2 AM and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season.
Yeah we walk through the doors so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason.

Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button, girl
So cradle your head in your hands.
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breathe, just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
"Just a day," he said down to the flask in his fist
Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year
Here in town you can tell he's been down for while
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him maybe I'll just sing about it

Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button, boys
so cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breath just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel
You shout cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made
You'll just make them again if you'll only try turnin' around

2 AM and I'm still awake writing this song
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to.

But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand, yeah breathe
Just breathe, oh oh breathe, just breathe, oh breathe,
just breathe, oh breathe, just breathe		  
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04:24pm 16/05/2005
  this is impossible  
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And if I stay lucky then my tongue will stay tied   
02:59pm 14/04/2005
 
mood: giddy
music: seven mary three ~ lucky
so the story starts with this boy and the first kiss with that boy..................



And if I stay lucky then my tongue will stay tied
and I won't betray the things that I hide.
There's not enough years underneath this belt
for me to admit the way that I felt...

Well see where this leads........


xoxo
linz		  
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11:48pm 27/02/2005
  fuck everyone and everything ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
sorry i needed to scream im so freaking stressed just ignore this i just needed to type it out
ok im gonna go do schoolwork now		  
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06:22pm 09/01/2005
  please just hold me and tell me it is all a dream and that it will all be over soon
tell me that none of my deepest fears are coming true and that i am imagining all this
just let me know that everything will be alright
convince me that i am strong enough to handle anything that comes my way
hold me and comfort me and show me what i am worth
believe in me like i believe in you
just tell me the past 8 years never happened and my life is perfect
but please dont say it if its a lie

i just need comfort i just need relief i just need something stable i just need her to be alright i just want to save her i just want to save myself

its all too much it has been for too long
i dont think i can do this anymore
i dont think i can sit in my own body day in a day out and watch this and know i cant do shit about it
i just want to save her
i need people to hold me while i save her because of how weak i have become

i am not alright		  
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10:56pm 15/12/2004
  i will never be able to go to new brookland or hear punk rock play or hear the word charcoal or eat chicken or have a girls night watching sex and the city without thinking of ashley

i will never be able to jump on a trampoline or do anything bad or have girls nights or listen to that girl at the rock show or see a guy who is 20 without thinking of jordan

i will never be able to get icecream or smoke a stoge or try to lie to my parents or do anything remotely at all without thinking of kaitlyn

i will never be able to drive by a black person without thinking about breaking or go to waffle house or listen to the song buddy holly or drive past alpine road or think of charleston or orangeburg or sit on a porch or laugh without thinking of kat

i will never be able to get yelled at by anyone or make a mistake or listen to avril livigne or see a tripps cleaners without thinking of ilina

i will never be able to listen to a kenny chesney song or sing my heart out to mr mom or just be stupid without thinking of natalie

i will never be able to do anything remotely stupid or yell at someone walking down the street or just break out of my shell in anyway without thinking of riley

i will never be able to watch crossroads or go to a bonfire or see a confederate flag or trucks or go mud riding without thinking of britt, moe , emily , and kristin

there are so many more people that i think of when i see things around me everyday and i love every minute of it because it reminds me of who has been brought into my life and how wonderful each and every one of you are...
i love yall
xoxo
linz		  
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02:27pm 04/12/2004
  Blue jean baby, L.A lady
Seamtress for the band
Pretty eyes, pirate smile
You'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must've seen her
dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me
Tiny dancer in my hand

Jesus freaks, out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs
The boulevard is not that bad

Piano man, he makes his stand
In the auditorium
Looking on she sings the song
The words she knows
The tune she hums

But oh how it feels so real
Lying here, with no one near
Only you, and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
You had a busy day today
(repeat)

Blue jean baby, L.A lady
seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile
you married a music man
Ballerina, you must've seen her,
dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me
Tiny dancer in my hand

But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly

god
great times this summer with that song
i miss everyone from this summer
it was always me ilina kathy kathryn riley and robin every single freakin minute
but things that wonderful can never last
we still are friends and we still love eachother we always will things just will never be the same
i guess i cant expect that though
oh well anyway
time to get ready to go hang out with ashley and then have a girls night with jordan and ashley tonight
whoooo hooooo
xoxo
linz		  
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11:31pm 21/11/2004
  you're a girl of the 90's if you: had a crush on uncle jesse, loved spice girls, hanson & the macarena when they first came out, used scrunchies as hair ties but also as a bracelet & you felt stylish, had a crush on ether JTT, leonardo dicaprio or devon sawa, thought zack morris was way cuter than slater, TGIF was the highlight of your week, used to say "boom boom boom lemme hear ya say way-o", loved 90210, had the dylan barbie & thought it was hot, owned any plaid clothing, thought cory & topanga were destined to be together, used to collect pogs but didnt play with them, remember watching blossom & drooling over joey, & wondered what sign ace of base was talking about  
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06:31pm 21/11/2004
  The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change.

I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels better somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be waiting out there. Chances are it could be even worse.

So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little.

When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really, really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again.		  
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06:51pm 19/11/2004
  I see people rushing home in their luxury cars, a symbol of their social status, or the social status they'd like to have. I see people cutting each other off at 80 miles an hour on the freeway. I see the obscene gestures and other various diseases of society that they display as a sign of affection for one another. How dare they cut you off? How dare they tailgate you? How dare they? How dare they? How dare they? After all, we're all just rushing home to our box dinners, cold and processed, much like everything we buy, just add water. Like the swimming pool you're still paying off with your never-good-enough salary. Sit down in the piece of junk you swore you'd never actually pay for and flip on the never-big-enough television that spews forth more advertisements for crap that you didn’t know existed but somehow need. You need to fill that empty hole you can feel but seem to so desperately cram with more stuff to try to make the pain go away, the pain that comes from missing something, you don't know what. You're just here for your 10 hour workdays. The corporation owns you and your time. Your screaming brats demand money to buy more clothing (which obviously is no longer priced depending on how much material is used) so they can go sell themselves to their friends now and maybe someday be a carbon copy of you. They want nothing to do with you, you hardly know them, and forget your spouse, long gone. Nobody stays together anymore. Don't worry about it, it's not like you're on your own to try to instill the values of generations mocked and forgotten into your spoiled offspring. Oh wait, yeah you are. Family values now: get what you can, however you can, no matter what. Values that had a meaning at one time, but now don't really have anything to back them up, except to be a good person. but the good people finish last, remember?

i saw that on micahs livejournal a while back and its real the most real thing ive seen in a while....		  
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05:17pm 15/11/2004
  please say this is rock bottom
and theres no farther i can fall
lord i can't take much more
i can't take much more....
:(

losing hope is easy
when your only friend is gone
and everytime you look around
it all it all just seems to CHANGE

seriously please say this is it
and when you say it mean it
all i want is someone to hold me
and tell me everything will be alright
and i can look into your eyes and believe it....		  
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03:47pm 14/11/2004
  i'll be your biggest fan
i will be your fool
i'll be your exception
to whatever the rule
and i ain't the type to bitch
i ain't the type to cry
i'll sit at your red light and wait
for your shit to go by
and this vague little smile
is my all-purpose expression
the meaning of which
i will leave to your discretion

my distraction's my defense
against a lack of inspiration
against a slow leak deflation
the further the horizon
the more it holds my gaze
and the foreground's out of focus
but you know i kinda hope it's
just a phase

i've been through and through this
i know just how it goes
you'll have no idea
you'll have no need to know
cuz i will make your body
grow wings and take flight
i will erase sound
i will erase light
and this vague little smile
is my all-purpose expression
the meaning of which
i'll leave to your discretion

my distraction's my defense
against a lack of inspiration
against a slow leak deflation
the further the horizon
the more it holds my gaze
and the foreground's out of focus
but you know i kinda hope it's
just a phase
-ani difranco		  
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12:50am 02/11/2004
  There are few things pure in this world anymore,
and home is one of the few.
We'd have a drink outside,
maybe run and hide if we saw a couple men in blue.
But to me it's so damn easy to see
that you people are the people at home.
Well I've. been away but now I'm back today,
and there aint a place I'd rather go.

I feel home,
when I see the faces that remember my own.
I feel home,
when I'm chillin outside with the people I know.
I feel home,
and that's just what I feel.
Home to me is reality,
and all I need is something real.

Feelin alright, headin out tonight,
maybe off to a dark driveway.
I say now some feel bored,
and some are lookin for more.
Well, we all just decide to stay.
We got nothin to do,
and I look at you
I see something that I know and love.
and with the crack of a smile we all stay a while
we know from home there aint nothing above.

Well in the end we can all call a friend
well that's something I know as true.
And then a thousand years and a thousand tears
I'll come back to my original crew

cuz to me throughout eternity
there's somewhere where you're welcome to go
I said it's something free that means a lot to me
when I'm with my friends I feel home.

I feel home,
when I see the faces that remember my own
I feel home,
when I'm chillin outside with the people I know.
I feel home,
and that's just what I feel.
because home to me is reality,
and all I need is something real
Home to me is reality,
and all I need is something real

I feel home.

god o.a.r is the shit
gotta love it
i need SLEEP
i hope everyone had as great of a day as i did
xoxo
linz		  
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11:46pm 26/10/2004
  You go through life meeting different people day in and day out, and you find certain ones you truly think you know and can trust until that one second where your entire thinking is ruined; but just because that happens does it mean we are supposed to give up on people, or do we just thank god for the wonderful memories we were allowed to have with them, learn something from the situation, and move on to the next lesson in our lives?

you can answer that or you can just read it, its just a thought that came to my mind about a situation im in.....
enough of my sex and the city carrie moment
im goin to sleep
im sick
call me and make me feel better if you love me
xoxo
linz
479 2332		  
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11:55am 22/10/2004
  so it looks like i wont be heading to the mountains today at 7 with ilina and kathryn
gosh parents are so frustrating.....
oh well ill get over it i guess
ive really gotta figure shit out
this time for real

xoxo
linz		  
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08:59pm 13/10/2004
  fuck it all

whats the point in anything anymore just fuck it im a failure anyway thats what im bound to succeed at.......

thanks mom

love your failure of a daughter		  
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i wont forget you...   
09:38pm 15/09/2004
  im so happy for kaitlyn she got a gorgeous camero
yay
pretty good day today
corys cd is gorgeous
i would die for someone to write me a song like he wrote for kathryn
ive got lots of schoolwork to get done
riley comes home on saturday
yay i havent seen her in a week
i miss her
i get to spend time with kaitlyn this weekend
and i think im really going to become a good student i finally feel like im off my lazy mood when it comes to school
and im in a really good mood
even though i dont really have a reason
life is wonderful
beautiful
everything
i love yall

lindsey

"finally able to move
mobile and in motion
my heart was in two
but its mended and fused
but i wont forget you"
-cory plaugh		  
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i wont be your winter   
11:13pm 06/09/2004
 
mood: thoughtful
i miss things
i miss jordan
i miss shelley
i miss kaitlyn
i miss scarlett
i miss natalie
i miss ashley
i miss how things used to be sometimes
i miss how i used to not work
i miss being a good student
i miss the good times riley and kat and kathy and illina and robin and i had this summer and how we will never all have fun all of us together again
i miss some of my best friends i used to have
i miss the fact that things are forever changing and how i want half of it back
i wonder what i would be like without all those people in my life like they are
i wonder who i would be if i would not have done certain things in the past year
i wonder what i will become in the future
i wonder how much i will fuck up things in the next year
i miss childhood
i miss being carefree
i miss soo much
but most of all
i miss knowing who i am and what i want to be and being able to achieve goals that i know are best for me especially when i know i can do it
i need to stop missing and wondering and focusing on whats here and now but for some reason my mind doesnt let me
i am thankful for all i have been given and thankful for all i have seen and i will not regret anything i have done or been through but sometimes looking back and forward it is hard to not think about what could have been or should have been.....

way to much thinking going on

i love you
everyone who that goes to will know

because time moves faster than you think it does
lindsey		  
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  broknyetbreathn
 
 
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